Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. NIV
I met with a friend yesterday to walk and talk. It was an absolutely glorious day. My friend and I are so much alike that we can go months and months without seeing each other, and yet we fall right into friendship as soon as we get back together. I trust her.
Trust is not one of my strong points. I throw up walls and avoid close friendships before they have a chance to even develop. With that being said, I “know” a lot of people. With my job, I meet thousands of people a year. I like people. I enjoy meeting people and hearing the story of their lives, how they met, where they live and such, but then I draw a line in the dirt. That’s as close as I let them get.
Is it selfishness on my part? Am I too busy? Am I prejudging them? What is it that is in my character that is flawed? Or is it a defense mechanism? Trust. I’m going to make sure that I guard my heart. Before a person can hurt me or disappoint me, I’m going to build a wall or shut a door to create a boundary that I can control. So, here’s the deal. I am realizing that by shutting myself off, I am missing so many opportunities to share my testimony with new friends. That was pretty eye-opening when I thought about it.
I don’t think that I will be one of these, “God is so good and wonderful that my life is all sunshine and roses and …...blah, blah.” I’m too transparent for that. In reality, everyone has struggles, but God is so good that He helps us up when we fall. God is so wonderful that He forgives us for being a sinner, a literal thinker, a realist. My life is filled with trials and troubles and sunshine and roses, but it’s those trials and troubles that build my testimony and make it believable. God always has my back.
God, I’d love to be all that You’ve created me to be. As You are tearing my life apart this year, I am going to need You to help me be a little more open to times when my walls need to be torn apart, too. Help me with this trust thing. Your word tells me to guard my heart. I’ve been taking that in a literal sense. I’m sorry. The rest of the verse says that, “everything you do flows from it.” I don’t want “guarded, realistic, distrustful, protected, walled-off” to flow from my heart. Thank You for showing me that “mercy, understanding, and grace” can flow from my heart, too. Once again, thank You for helping me find my balance.