Philippians 3:13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead….
I have just about stopped writing this blog. Call it writer’s block. Call it conviction. Call it whatever. But, just like that….the “why” left me. It was my intention to write true life stories to help other women who may have come upon similar circumstances; to encourage; to uplift; to show that you can overcome hard divorces, custody battles, problems with your children. For a while, the Holy Spirit just filled me with words to share. Finding a topic was easy. Knowing what to write was never a battle. Now, it is.
We all know what spiritual warfare is. We have all faced it. Anytime you want to do good in life, Satan gets busy messing up your plans. Right now, I’m battling trying to be a better person in a small town. You know why? My past. I did some incredibly stupid stuff in my past. People in small towns don’t forget your stupid stuff. Why is it that we (me included) can remember the sins of someone’s past, but we struggle with the good they have done. Like, I couldn’t tell you who the valedictorian was for my graduation in 1977, but I know who got drunk at prom.
Recently, I have really tried to be a better person, to work hard to give to our community, to try not to gossip, and especially to try my best to not engage in social media drama. Sometimes, I fail miserably. Sometimes, I go fishing and use up all my cuss words to get my frustrations out. Most of the time, I feel like I’m still not good enough to share with anybody what God has done in my life. I’m not sure I can ever be more that a hypocrite because I sin daily. And that, my friends, is spiritual warfare. Satan is about to win as he has almost snuffed out my “why”.
Maybe my blog was a seasonal thing, and this season has ended. I’m ok with that, as long as it’s what God wants and not because Satan destroyed my confidence.
God, I’m asking You this morning to come along beside me. Your scripture says for me to forget what lies behind and strain towards what lies ahead. Help me to remember this, also as I look at other people. I need to remember that who people are today aren’t who they use to be. If You want me to continue to help others, then I need You to show up and move the enemy from my path, or show me how to go up, over, under or around him. I will always be a small town girl with a past. Remind me of this when I get all judgmental, too. Always. But, it is my desire to be a small town girl with a future in heaven with You, and take others with me. I’m not sure what lies ahead for me, but right now, at this moment, I’m listening. Speak to my heart.