Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. NIV
2017. What a year. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the year we had. 320 photo shoots, over 30 schools visited, a beautiful dream vacation to the Keys, a book series that made the top ten on Amazon, a wildly popular blog series, dinner with the First Lady of Florida, and a visit to meet the President and tour Air Force One. My brother-in-law was cured from leukemia after being given 10 days to live. I traveled to many beautiful locations. I caught a whole bunch of bass. We were able to bless over 100 families with our mini sessions. I am one blessed person.
Or so I say on social media. To the world, I live a perfect life; have a perfect marriage; love my job; have the best family life. Don’t we wish what we post is what we live?
2017 has been hard. Very hard. I have felt like I I’m scattered in 40 directions. Socially, I’m golden. Emotionally, I’m more like rust. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I hate Parkinson’s. I think I was home about 2 nights a week before 11:30 PM several months in a row. Two people I love more than life itself have had their world ripped apart and are forced to adapt to changes that nobody should have to face. I am so burned out that if I never picked up a camera again...ever...I’d be ok. I’m pretty ashamed of that. The worst, though, is that I have had to face the fact that no matter what I do, I will never be good enough for some people. I have some “messy” people in my life.
My sister got on to me a week ago. She said that I am blind to what I have. I only focus on what I can’t or don’t have. I’m not loving that. I’m really not loving that she is right. Why is it that we cannot see what we have? Why does Satan have such a strong-hold on our negative emotions? The Bible teaches us that God knows the plans He has for us. Plans to prosper.
In my heart, I know she is right. I know I am so blessed. I know that I have had opportunities of a lifetime. I know. And yet, I focus on the heartache in my life.
I had an epiphany yesterday. After hearing a “she said you said story” I said “enough!”. Enough!!! I have had enough. I proceeded to get out an imaginary bucket. It is my “not my problem” bucket. I began to fill it with negative thoughts. I began to put insecurity and doubt in it. I threw a few people (head first and stomped em to make sure they didn’t jump out) in my bucket, too. The only “enough” I am going to focus on is the promise from God that says “I” am enough. I am worthy. I am perfectly imperfect.
It’s scary to think about getting back on track with God. I got derailed by one of those messy people who spoke words to me that made me feel inadequate to follow God’s will for my life. Enough. I am enough. I know Satan will try me again, but God knows the plan. I just have to focus on that hope and that future He promises.
Wishing all of you a very happy 2018.