James 1:2-6 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
Spring is my “time of trials” in my business. As a photographer, I work very little in the winter months. Usually, this time of year, I also begin to doubt if I want to “stay” in the profession of photography. I think that people who have never worked as a photographer have no idea that you don’t just pick up a camera and mash the little round button on the front of the camera and “poof”, there is a beautiful image. Yeah. Not so much. In summer, I usually work a minimum of 80 hours a week. I leave my home at 11, get home around 10:30-11 every night, then edit photos the next morning until it’s time to leave again. And, bless my heart…the older I get, the harder it is on my body!
I spent an hour with my grandchildren yesterday. I found myself struggling to even make conversation with them. Why? Because they are growing up without me. I work when they are at home. I’m home when they are in school. I don’t know them. And that breaks my heart. I love those little people so much. Do I want to make a living or do I want to make a life?
I feel very guilty for being ungrateful. There are those who’d give their right arm to have the business that I have. But don’t we always think the grass is greener? Don’t we always tend to look at what we don’t have instead of what we are blessed with?
Hey God, I’m suffering from burn out. You have blessed me with 15 years of an incredible business. I have the “spring” worries again. I’m working on that perseverance You promised is happening. As I struggle, I pray that You will show me where it is that You’d like for me to be in my life. The big prayer, though God, is that You will help me to listen for Your answer and be obedient. Thank You for showing up to help me through this time of trial. I love Your unending grace.