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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

It's Not Their Battle ~

1 Timothy 3:11  In the same way, their wives must be respected and must not slander others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do.

When I had the idea for this blog, it was my intent to help women who suddenly find themselves single mothers.  I remember that as the hardest time of my life.  I also remember this as a time in my life when I made so many mistakes as a mother to my children.  This will be a difficult post for me to get through, but if only one of you see yourselves here, and make some changes, then it will be worth revisiting that painful time.

When my children were 12 and 14, I found my world turned  upside down.  I was suddenly single and facing a very bitter 18 month long battle for a divorce.  I look back now and see how stupid all of that back and forth drama was.  It wasn’t a divorce, ending a marriage, it was a full on war using our children as pawns.  I was so mad and hurt that I wanted our children to be mad, too.  I’d say whatever words I needed to say to throw in a little dig at their dad.  It wasn’t one-sided, either.  He hated me right back.  We were so self-consumed in winning, that we both ended up losers.  Big time losers.  The pain we caused our children by trashing each other will never heal.  Thankfully, they are both healthy and happy adults with great spouses, but we cheated them out of 2 years of their lives.

Let me say right here that I know marriages end for various reasons these days, but when you have children together, it absolutely does not matter what happens between the parents, the children should never be made to carry that burden.  It doesn’t matter how much you hate that child’s daddy, that is still that child’s daddy and that child loves him unconditionally.  Saying words to try to dull that love isn’t for the child, it’s for you.  It goes up on your imaginary scoreboard in the battle.  I’m telling you, words are the most dangerous weapon you can use on a child and nobody, NOBODY has the right to drag a child into an adult matter.  That hurt is forever.  How I wish I had a do-over, but I don’t. I’m just so thankful that my children love me anyway.

Hey God, today, I’m remembering a hard time in my life.  Please use my words to reach mommies who are where I was then.  Let them know that it’s never ok to hurt children because they are hurting.  Thank you for giving me a heart-breaking revelation recently.  Keep me strong when I am loving on my grandchildren. Never  allow my mouth speak a negative word about their grandfather.  Our children are our future.  Give us self-control and keep us faithful to Your word.  I’m so thankful for your forgiveness.

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