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Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Wait....What??
 
James 1:19-20  Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.  ESV
 
I want to tell you about the time I decided I needed to change.
 
If you work with people, you know that some days can be just plain crazy.  Add traveling about 1,000 miles a week to that.  Then add about 300 images to edit the next day to that.  Then, add the fact that I am still a wife and mother and grandmother.  We might as well add about 50 calls and texts every day also from people wanting something from me.  I began to feel that my life was totally out of balance.  There was absolutely no time left for me.  My health was suffering, my already questionable mental status was suffering, my poor family was suffering.
 
I decided to go to counseling.  I remember the exact moment  when I realized that I was the problem in my life.  I was sitting across from the person I decided to talk to just railing on my family.  My husband doesn’t help me.  My kids are driving me crazy.  I never get to spend any time with my grandchildren.  All I do is work, work, work.  I demanded to know just how I could get my family to pitch in and help me find balance in my life. 
 
My counselor looked at me and said, “Kim, why are you so angry?”
 
Wait….what??  I remember sitting there and tears began to flow.  I don’t cry.  Ever.  And I was bawling like a baby.  That defining moment made me hear something I absolutely did not want to hear.  The bitterness and resentment I had in my life was a direct result of what I had in my heart.  Anger.  I began to pray that day that God would show me what it was that He wanted from me.  I prayed that He would teach me to guard my words and my heart and to help me find balance in my life.
 
I learned that day that you cannot expect the world to treat you with love and respect if you do not give love and respect.  I found that if I needed help with the household chores, it is much easier to just ask, “Hey, could you do a load of laundry for me?” instead of being mad as fire because I expect a teenager to see that the laundry basket is full.  Teenagers don’t think like that.  Well, teenagers don’t think at all sometimes.  It’s my job to help them learn to be responsible.  Instead I was teaching them to be bitter and resentful.
 
Changes began to happen in my work life as well.  I still didn’t like having to get into the car to go to work and it reflected in my attitude towards my clients.  Slowly, I began to soften my heart and be thankful that I had work.  I tried to make an effort to have fun again with the people who pay my bills.  They are, after all, trusting me to make lifetime memories of their family and I want them to enjoy the experience.
 
Am I all sunshine and roses now?  Well, no.  I am human.  I still battle the feeling of being overwhelmed and unbalanced.  There are days when I feel like I could just choke down the next person who gets in my way.  Sometimes it truly is a battle in my mind to choose kind words instead of a tone with underlying resentment.  I have to remember that in my own environment that I am either the light or the darkness.  I set the mood for my household.  I set the tone for my work sessions.  When I struggle, I pray.  Some days, I have to really pray hard…..like televangelist hard.  God is faithful to help me get back in balance.  He is also faithful to remind me that change starts with me…in MY heart…with my words…. I just have to stop my human thoughts and once again have a “wait…..what?” moment that calls me out and holds me accountable.  It is only when I get out of my own head that I can find the righteousness of God and blessings He has for me.

7 comments:

  1. πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘ŒπŸΌ you are a blessing Kim Stone!

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  2. I seriously think God is speaking to me through you!!! Every email that you asked me to read before the actual blog and now the blog, hit me square in the face! Thank you for writing and helping me! ❤️❤️

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  3. Tears. It's been a tough week or two and I'm just plain mad that it has been. I've been choosing to be mad at the world and a beast to be around. Choosing kind words, a good attitude, patience...just hasn't been there. Right now the truck is in the shop getting $1400 worth a work done...but I thank God for a paid of truck and the money to repair it. At this very moment I need a bath but the hot water heater is in pieces from hours of sweat and tears and words but I have water! One of the cars is parked needing brakes...but we have enough drivers in this house with cars that no one is walking! Work is taking way too much of me trying to get ready to make the Christmas season all merry and bright and crap (working on Polar Bear Express train ride at Veterans Park in Bristol )...today these little bad boys 'helping' followed me around calling 'Ms Nicole' about 756 times today until I wanted to scream...but I have a job and it's pretty amazing.
    The big money winner horse is standing in a stall because he went lame at a roping...money was lost, the horse is hurt and who knows how bad until that trip to Thomasville & more bucks spent but we are still blessed and everything is going to be OK...i believe in healing even for animals.
    So yeah you hit me square between the eyes with this one. All these things I listed I have been wallowing in like a nasty hog and being just mean, grouchy and hateful about it all and never once looked at the side of how much worse things really could be or what a difference a better attitude would make. Thanks for that 'wait...what?' slap in the face. Balance. Sweet tone. Prayer. Asking not expecting. This is my goal for tomorrow and days to come.
    PS sorry for the book I just wrote on your blog. ;)

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    1. This is what I want to portray....exactly. Things fall apart. Nothing in anybody's life is perfect. You be strong, Nicole. You can't change where you are in this "now" season, but you can definitely focus on where you are going.

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    2. Thanks, friend. I failed that 'focus' part yesterday LOL had to apologize and regroup. Let's try this again.
      I'm glad you have the blog in FB... this land is strange over here.

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