Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ISV
Divorce. Exes. Wife-in-laws. Bitterness. Anger. Hurt. Hate. Revenge. Insecurity. Abandonment. The list goes on and on and on. The problem with these feelings is that there comes a time when, well, it’s just time to let go of the brokenness and move forward. The sad part is, letting go is so one of the hardest things you will ever do.
I talked with a friend this week. We talked about how hard it is to go through a divorce. If the actual decision to go your separate ways isn’t hard enough, by the time you get through the actual divorce process, the level of animosity (that’s a nicer word than “hate”) is so elevated that you don’t feel you will ever recover. It is a brutal time in a woman’s life. We lose all sense of balance, especially if we are suddenly raising children alone. It’s been almost 20 years since I went through this, and let me tell you, that was the hardest time of my life. I’d give anything to go back to that time and do things differently. I was so full of rage and hate and revenge (and doubt and insecurity and self-worth) that I became a bitter bitch. All I wanted was for him to suffer like I had.
I carried this with me for years. I never missed a chance to let people know what I thought of him. I sure did waste a lot of my life being bitter. There is no telling how much damage and hurt I caused to my children and grandchildren by speaking hateful words about their father and grandfather. What changed? What happened to make me let go? I saw him with our grandchildren. They adore him. He’s a good Papa. If I am hating him, then I am not loving them like I should. Also, I am so much happier in my life now. I wouldn’t be “here” if I had stayed “there”.
God, it sure was a good feeling when I decided to put down that burden of hate. I’m sorry that I carried it so long. You tell us to give all of that to You. I guess I’m a slow learner. I hope that You use this blog today. I know that there are women who are carrying around such heavy loads, waiting for their revenge. Help them to see that it’s time to “put it down”. Let them see that where they are is so much better than where they could have been. Thank You for your grace and forgiveness. Help us to remember to follow Your example, even when we don’t think we are ready to let it go. It is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.