Loneliness in Marriage

1 Peter 3:7  In a similar way, you husbands must live with your wives in an understanding manner, as with a most delicate partner. Honor them as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may interfere with your prayers.  ISV

Today I spent most of the morning talking to and praying with a friend. She is struggling in this “now” season of her life.   So many emotions came out as we talked and cried.  Feeling neglected by her husband, she is struggling with her self worth.  Nobody should have to feel lonely in a marriage.  Nobody.  

As I sit here tonight, writing a blog post, I’m convicted of spending too much time on social media.  Even now, my husband is sitting beside me with a tablet in his hand.  When did we get to this point in our lives? The difference in my marriage and my friend’s marriage is that Matt and I value our time together.  We make time to be together.  He gives me the attention that I want and need, and I give him the same.  However, I think sometimes we put devices ahead of spouses.  Why is it so important to maintain relationships with people we don’t even know or maybe we have met them briefly, while we let the relationship with the person sitting right beside us wither up and die?

Marriage is so exciting when it begins.  We can’t wait for our husband’s to get home.  We do special things for them.  We dote on them.  But, if we aren’t careful, we let the new wear off and we begin to take them for granted.  Once children come along, we naturally pay more attention to the babies, because that’s what Mama’s do.  Add to the mix having to compete with Monday Night Football, hunting season, and Facebook, and before we know it our marriage is moved to the back burner.

Dear Jesus, tonight I ask you to show Yourself mightily in my friend’s marriage, but more importantly, show her how worthy she is to You. Help her husband turn to her instead of a device when he wants to talk.  Thank You for reminding me to be dedicated to my marriage.  Thank You for reminding me that my husband, the person sitting next to me, deserves my attention and my love.  Also, thank You that for giving me a husband who loves me and who loves You.  

Get Out of My Head

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17  Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word. NIV

Do you have a secret desire in your heart?  Is there something you would love to accomplish but you just don’t have the courage or the confidence to step out and try?  Do you fear what others may think or that you will not be good enough?  Let me tell you something.  Every person on this earth suffers from doubt sometimes.  You are no different, no less worthy of greatness, no less able to accomplish your dreams, than any other person.  Sometimes, the greatest barrier will be the doubts that you plant in your own head.  Get out of your head. Tell yourself to leave you alone.

When I first had the desire in my heart to write devotionals, I didn’t move forward with it for almost a year.  I talked to a few people and hinted around that I’d love to encourage other women to be strong in their lives.  Some of my friends were really encouraging.  Others, who know my past, laughed.  

When God lays something on your heart, eventually you will have to do something about it.  He will encourage and remind and plant seeds of hope until you obey him.  I began to write, praying and choosing my scriptures carefully. I am really enjoying writing, but Satan is doing his destroy my joy. I am weak in the self-confidence area of my life.  I am a quitter.  It’s much easier to just give up than to stay and fight.  Not this time.  It doesn’t matter if I reach one or reach many, God said for me to write, and I will.

What is it that you would love to do?  Do you want your own business?  Do you want to go back to school?  These seeds of promise come from our God.  The seeds of doubt, the “I can’t”, “You will never,” the “What makes you think”, are from the enemy.  Satan does not want us to succeed and he certainly does not want us to give God the glory for our success.  I want you to know that if God is with you, no one can be against you.  Not your friends, not your neighbor, not your family, not even yourself.   You have everything you need inside of you to be successful.  It’s very important for all of us to keep praying and working towards our goal.  One of the greatest lessons I learned is that “not now” does not mean “not ever”.

Women are mighty.  We are strong.  We are successful.  We can accomplish whatever God lays on our hearts to do.  Don’t believe Satan when he tries to make you believe you are not worthy. God will give you the ability to be all that He has designed you to be. Keep yourself aligned with your goals. Keep praying.  Keep asking God for direction and guidance.  Above all, remember to thank Him for believing in you and trusting you to do what he has laid on your heart.

It Will Be Ok

Psalms 85:10 that, “Steadfast love and faithfulness meet ~ righteousness and peace kiss each other.” ESV

Having grandchildren is one of the greatest gifts you will ever have in your life.  There is something so forgiving about the innocence of these little people.  What drove you crazy with your own children doesn’t seem to faze you with their children.  It could be that we are older and not as overwhelmed as we were when we were raising our children.  Or it could be that we know these children will go home soon!!

However, (isn’t it funny how there always seems to be a ‘however’ during a really good teaching moment) these little people are fully capable of just pushing all of the buttons in your patience remote and setting you off.  
One particular day, my smallest one, Luke, was over for a play date.  Now, Luke is all boy.  All buck wild boy.  He was having a good time doing what little boys do.  I don’t remember exactly what he did that day to get in trouble, but I do remember saying, “Luke, Mimi’s had enough.”
He looked at me with big blue eyes, took my face in his little hands and said, “Let me kiss you, Mimi. It will be ok.”  Wow!  I went from 44 hot to a melted puddle right there.

I wonder how many times in our own lives we push God’s buttons on the patience remote?  Daily, I’m sure.  I am so thankful that I can tell God that I blew it and ask Him to forgive me.  I envision our Heavenly Father holding my face and telling me, “It will be ok.”

It is an awakening moment when we understand that concept.  When we are steadfast and faithful to love our God, come to Him with our overloaded minds and admit our shortcomings,  RIGHT THEN everything is made right and peaceful in our world.  We know that He doesn’t even remember what it was that we did in the first place, because we are forgiven and, “It will be ok.”

Pretty Words ~

1 Corinthians 6:19-20  Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body.  ESV

This morning started with a text from a lifelong friend of mine.  It seems that we fell asleep before we finished our conversation last night.  One thing led to another and we ended up talking about this blog. Belinda has been my rock throughout this whole writing venture. She is the most encouraging person I have ever come in contact with.  She has a gift of saying the perfect words  at the perfect time to tie a knot in my rope when I’ve reached the end of it.

Belinda is a mother to two young children whom she homeschools.  Her husband is self-employed and they are neck-deep in a home remodel.  I asked her how she held it all together and maintained her sanity.  As we talked together, we realized that there are times when we have a gift of sounding really pretty to someone on the outside when inside, we are feeling really ugly.

I’m a fixer.  When someone comes to me with a burden, I have just the right thing to say.  I have a stockpile of “you can do it” and “you got this” phrases and problem solving skills just waiting to be shared.  It’s easy to see anybody else’s problems and offer words of encouragement to make it better, but I cannot fix myself.  As wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, or whatever we may be, I think that is how we are made.  We think that we need to put ourselves last so that we can take care of everybody else.  The Bible teaches us to encourage one another and lift each other up.  Helping others gives us such a wonderful feeling inside.  While I am genuine in my encouragement, it dawned on Belinda and I that pretty words to others when we are so stressed out and emotionally overloaded that our own personal lives are hanging by threads are just that….pretty words.  

Inside of every one of us, God is building a testimony.  If I’m so stressed out that I am difficult to live with, then my testimony is not very believable.  Perhaps it’s time to fix myself.

Dear Jesus, today I come to You asking for Your guidance.  As I begin the new year, help me to remember to schedule time in for myself.  I need to remember that it is okay to rest.  Help all of us remember that we are no good to anybody unless we are good to ourselves.  Help us to remember that we matter to You.  Our body is Your temple, bought and paid for by You.  Thank You for friends who help us see what we can’t see for ourselves.

Yeahbutcha's

Ephesians 4:22-24 …to put off our old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. ESV

If any of you know me or follow me on social media, you know that I can be outspoken and brutally honest.  I struggle with having a filter.  I even built my following of thousands on social media by telling it like it is.  You know what?  I’m not proud of that.  I’ve hurt a lot of people over the years with words that I have said and posted trying to be popular.

Things began to change for me about 2 years ago.  Suddenly, I was hearing phrases like “difficult to work with”, “she will make fun of you”, and “I was scared I would read about me on your page.”  I’m loud and outspoken and hard headed, but I’m telling you, those words gave me a terrible case of “yeahbutcha’s”.  I knew it was time to make changes in my life, but I came up with every excuse in the world why I couldn’t change..

What in the world are “yeahbutcha’s”?  It is doubt.  It is a powerful tool that Satan uses to make me question my self worth. I would think I was doing better and then I’d hear in my head, “yeah, but you know you haven’t really changed,” or “yeah, but you have hurt so many people,” or “yeah, but everybody remembers how you were on social media. You can’t change.  That’s who you really are.”

Ephesians 4:27,  the Apostle Paul tells us “and give no opportunity to the devil.”  Now, when I try to make changes in my life and that old self-doubt begins to manifest itself in my thoughts, I have to remember that I can put off my old self.  I can change.  God believes in me.  He made me in His image.  He even sent His only Son to DIE so that I am able to put on a new self.  There is nothing that I have done, am doing, or am going to do in the future that will make it impossible to change my life.  I will not suffer from “yeahbutcha’s”. I believe that God has a purpose for me.  I don’t know what it is yet, but I do know that He will show me when it is time.  Until then, I will rejoice in knowing that I am worthy.

The same goes for all of you.  There is nothing in your past that can keep you from the future that God has planned for you.  Nothing.  God already knows your past.  He also knows your future. Don’t make excuses.  Make goals.  Today is a brand new day.  Renew your mind.  Focus on where you are going, not where you have been.  Be worthy of all you are designed to be.

Thank You, God, for forgiveness. When I say, “Yeah, but I've done so much wrong,” I know You will answer with, “Yeah, but I made you. My Son died for those wrongs. It is forgiven.”

Fear ~

Isaiah 41:10  Fear not, for I am with you:  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

In 2010, my dad, who was 79 at the time, started having some reflux problems.  After a series of doctor’s appointments, it was decided that he needed a minor surgery to remove his gall bladder and to fix a hernia.  Easy.  Routine.  So they said.  Things went horribly wrong.  His liver was cut, his stomach stitched to his lung, and he was highly overmedicated.  He ended up having a feeding tube put in and and spending many days in the hospital.  He didn’t get well.  We prayed and prayed and prayed some more.  We learned the meaning of fear.  My sister, a former RN with Hospice, kept my daddy alive.  My mom, a retired nurse herself, devoted her life to my dad, and yet he did not turn the page. Nobody could seem to help him.  He was dying.

We began to pray for mercy.  We prayed for help.  I remember posting on my Facebook page, asking for prayers.  We felt so hopeless and didn’t know where to turn except to God.  My friend, Becky, saw this post.  She messaged me saying her brother-in-law worked at The Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville and he may be able to help.  Within 48 hours, my dad was being seen by one of the most renowned gastric surgeons at the clinic.  God had heard our prayers and granted our family mercy.  Things didn’t turn around immediately, but we began to see major changes.  We were so excited and thankful that God had paved the way for Daddy to see this surgeon.  We had hope.

Corrective surgery was scheduled for the mistakes to be corrected.  After the first go round, I was so filled with fear that I couldn’t sleep, eat, or hardly function.  When the doctor came into the waiting room to get us and called us into a private room, I felt the most horrific fear of my life.  I cried out for Jesus.  I just knew it hadn’t gone well.  But I was wrong.  My dad was granted an extension here on this earth.  He turned 85 in October .  I know he has more days behind him than he has ahead of him, but I thank God every night for those days.

So many times we take God for granted.  We take everything for granted as long as things are good.  How quick we are to cry out to God when things go wrong.  Aren’t we thankful that He never leaves us or forsakes us, that when we turn to him in fear, we know He is there, holding us in righteous right hand?  I sure am.

Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me even when I take You for granted. Help me remember to come to You with thanks and honor, and not just when I need You. Thank You for Your unconditional love.

Childlike Faith

Mark 11:22  And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God.”  ESV

When my daughter was about 4 years old, she was a very determined little person.  She got it in her head that she wanted a kitten.  Not just any kitten, but a black and white kitten named “Socks” because he needed to have 4 white feet.  She told us every day that she needed that kitten.  Finally, I tried to compromise by telling her that we would let her have this kitten if we could find a black kitten with white feet, but it had to be a boy.  She bounced around, excited as could be.  I thought I was off the hook, at least for a while.

That night, when I tucked her into bed, she said her prayers.  I am paraphrasing some but her prayer went something like this:  “And Jesus, my mommy said I could have my kitten so you need to make a kitten that is black with all four of his feet white and he needs to be a boy.  Amen”  We laughed about her praying for a kitten.

The next afternoon, I picked them up from the sitter and stopped by our business for something.  When we got out of the van, (yes, I was the mini-van driving Mama), we heard tiny little sounds coming from our work dumpster.  My daughter ran over to look. She came running back to me holding the most pitiful looking kitten I’ve ever seen.  He was scrawny and sickly….but he was a black and white kitten with 4 white feet and he was a boy.  She said, “See!! Jesus was listening, Mama, just like they said in Sunday School.”  Needless to say, we took the poor thing home, got him well and had him for many years.

How many times do we pray for the seemingly impossible, but have no faith that our prayers will be heard or answered?  Or we don’t even pray at all because we don’t feel that God will answer?  One of the hardest concepts for me to grasp is that God always listens.  He always hears our prayers.  He always answers our prayers.  He just doesn’t always answer them like I may want him to.  I don’t have that innocent faith like a little girl does, but I’m learning to have faith again.  I’m learning to see that His answers are always so much better than how I had it planned anyway.

Whatever you are going through in this season of your life, remember to ask God to guide you.  There is nothing that He can’t help you get through.  Just have faith.

Dear Jesus, Thank you for reminding me of this story about having faith.  Thank you for providing a life lesson to a little girl, but more importantly, to her Mommy.  Help us to remember that You are always faithful, even when we forget to be.