You Make Me Crazy~

Proverbs 29:22  An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin. NLT

In our lives, we will have people who just absolutely rub us the wrong way.  It doesn’t matter how hard they try, or how hard we try, we will never get along with them.  When it’s family, it makes it twice as hard.  Aren’t we supposed to love our family unconditionally?  Probably so, but sometimes we have to love them from a distance.  If personalities are so different that a person drives you crazy, then chances are you make them just as crazy.  Walk away.  Pick your battles.  Don’t let miserable people draw you into their misery.  On the same line of thought, don’t let your hang ups make them miserable.  It is totally ok to set boundaries and then follow through with them.  Isn’t that hard to do, though?

The older I get, the less stress I can take in my life.  It’s easier to just remove myself from the relationship and put up a wall.  If I don’t, then I find myself either trying to defend myself, trying to prove that I’m right, apologizing, or just completely pissed off.  

Hey God, this is the second verse you’ve showed me this week about anger.  Maybe it’s time to realize that not every relationship I have is going to be like peanut butter and jelly.  Some are like fire and gasoline.  I can’t fix everything, but You can.  Thank You for your amazing patience with me on this journey.

Cast Your Cares~

1 Peter 5:7. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  NLT

Why is it that some days are like this?  One thing goes wrong and it starts to snowball.  I know that I need to be focusing on everything that is good in my life, but Satan has been at work today trying to throw me off balance.  It doesn't help that I struggle with worry; like I can fix everything by worrying about it. I wasted just about my whole day worrying about the weather..we are fine. I worried about my sick granddaughter...the doctor and her parents took great care of her and she is better. My daddy doesn't feel the greatest. Guess what I did about that?  Yes. I worried some about him, too. 

Hey God, today hasn't been the best of days. Between the storms in my heart and the storms in the sky, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I am weary, God.  You say in Your word that I should give my worries to You. Here You go.  Thank You, God, for carrying the load. 

Shine Your Light~

Matthew 5:16  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

I spent 7 1/2 hours driving on the Interstate today.  I had to fight to remember that all of these people driving these vehicles around me were God’s children, too.  Let me just say that there are some crazy driving children of God out on the highway. I actually made it here with my shining light still intact.  How?  Because I chose to focus on the destination, and not the trip.  Knowing I’d see my grandson soon was a lot more important than losing my joy over a crazy driver who’d would be out of my life forever in 30 seconds.  Let my light shine?  Yeah, that was a struggle more than once.  Focus!!!!  Destination!!!

Hey God, thank you for giving me traveling mercies today.  Thank you for giving me this verse, even if it made me laugh a little after my drive.  When I read it, I was thinking about today’s journey.  Then me, being me, God, I saw the big picture.  How many times do I get hung up on the trip and the “now” circumstances surrounding it?  Help me to remember that I should keep my focus on my eternal destination.  And God?  Help me to keep my light shining on the journey so others can see You in me.

Grandchildren~

Proverbs 17:6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers. ESV

I thought having my children was greatest joy in my life, until I had grandchildren.  Something happens to you as you get older.  Things that bothered you when your children were little, like handprints all over the table and windows, are just adorable now.  When the babies go home, I’ll wait a few days to wash the little smears off of the back door so I can look at those little handprints and remember the babies standing there.

Let me say that I love my children.  I’m so thankful that God allowed me to be a mother.  But when I was raising them, I didn’t realize just how precious the little things were.  When you are working, doing homework and housework, going to ballgames, and so forth, sometimes you are running on fumes just thankful to get a shower at night.  It’s not that way with grandchildren.  Grandchildren are perfect.  Everything they do is precious.  We think there has never been a more beautiful child born than our grandchild.  And they are so smart, too!  Why is that?  I think that it is because our grandchildren love us unconditionally.  We make them feel special.  They make us feel special.  We bring each other joy.  

Dear Jesus, thank you for allowing me to be a mom.  Thank you even more for allowing me to be a Mimi.  The time I get to spend with them is not nearly enough, but it is some of the best times of my life.  Joyful time in our busy lives is important.  Even though grandchildren wear me out, time with them renews my spirit.  They are truly the best.

Wait Quietly~

Psalms 62:5  Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.  NLT

Wait quietly.  In this now season, I am experiencing some crazy changes in my life.  Some are really exciting and some…..well, some I don’t like at all.  I’m an instant gratification, impulsive kind of person.  I like control.  As God is preparing me for whatever it is that He wants me to do, I’m having to learn to wait.

Once, I heard a man say, “Pray to God, but don’t stop rowing for the shore.”  Yes.  This.

Do my part.  I cannot lay down at night and pray for God to change me (or my circumstances), then get up in the morning and pray for God to change me (or my circumstances)  and expect there to be this little “poof” in my life and suddenly, I’m changed. I can’t sit in the boat and pray for the wind to blow to get me to the shore. I need to do my part and keep rowing.  

Hey God, thank you for showing me this scripture.  You know I’m not good in the “wait” department.  Help me to continue to do better in my life.  Help me to continue to let go of the areas that I feel I need to control or move away from people  who I need to walk away from.  Some things take time, God.  Sometimes, You have to tear us down to build us back up.   Wait quietly.  I’ll work on that.  I know that something mighty is in my future, God.  Help me to keep rowing for the shore while I wait on Your goodness.

Be Smart With Your Yes ~

Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

I go through days when I just want to quit.  Quit being a friend, quit doing the housework, quit my job…..Just quit and walk away.  I let my life become so overloaded that I lose my joy for the things that mean the most to me.  When I find myself feeling like this, I know I have lost my balance. I know that it is time to scrape some of the unnecessary things off of my plate.  I don’t want to spend my life doing for others what I cannot do for my own family.

I like to do for others.  But, I am learning that when I am already maxed out, I shouldn’t take on something else.  I have to cut corners to get it all done. I’m not giving my best to anybody, and truthfully, I begin to resent all of it.  And it’s my fault.

Hey God, it’s time for me to be strong and courageous.  Well, it’s time to suck it up, but I couldn’t find that in scripture. I need you, God, to help me balance this impossible load I’m carrying right now.  I know that You are with me even now, when I want to walk away.  Thank you for giving me the strength to finish what I have to do.  And next time, God, remind me that it’s ok to say no.

The Year of the Onion ~

Luke 6:45   A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  NIV

A precious friend of mine emailed me recently about these blogs.  She talked about the fact that I sometimes bring up my past and my regrets and suggested that perhaps I need to let all of that go.  Yesterday, Matt and I sat in church together and listened to a wonderful sermon that was based from Proverbs 4:23  “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  

God is camping out in my heart, especially when He seems to be pointing out to me that what is in my heart is what comes out of my mouth.  This is another big lesson in finding balance in my life.  While my friend is completely right in that I have to move out of yesterday, I cannot let it go until I clean it out and deal with it.

Hey God, every one of us have gone through a lot of joys, sorrows, heartbreak, triumphs, victories, and failures in our lives.  They have made us into who we are.  For me, this is my “year of the onion.”  This is the year that You are peeling away layer after layer after layer of hard, useless skin so that You can get to the tender part.  Help me to guard my heart against bitter, evil thoughts so that the tough layers don’t build back up.  Help me store so much good in my heart that it overflows into all that I do.  The past cannot be changed, but my heart can be.  For that, I sure am grateful.

Homework ~

Ephesians 4:31-32   Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  ESV

For a few weeks, I have been talking with a friend of mine about letting go of the hate in her heart that she has for a failed relationship.  I’ve told her all of the pretty words about letting go, forgiveness, as long as she is seeking revenge, he still controls her, and so forth.  I see all the things that she should do.  I want my friend to be free from that bondage.  I talk a good talk; when it is someone else.

Yesterday, I got busted upside my head with memories of a time in my life that was both traumatic and embarrassing to my family.  Here I am writing a blog about Jesus’ love and forgiveness and all of this, and with just a few words about the past, I realized that i need to do some homework on forgiveness.  

Finding balance in your life when you feel you have been wronged is tough.  First off, I don’t want to forgive, I want to be vindicated.  I want to tell my story and let the whole world know what really happened.  And that would prove…..nothing.  

Isn’t it a good thing that God doesn’t sit in Heaven and want to revisit all of the times we have embarrassed him?  Isn’t it wonderful that He removes our sin “as far as the East is from the West”, never to be mentioned again?  Aren’t we glad that He doesn’t keep score?  

God, today I come to you as a sinner.  I realize that I still have some hurt and resentment in my heart.  Well, I’ll be honest.  I have a lot of hurt in my heart.  Help me to let that stuff go.  You can’t use me here today if I’m hanging on to things of yesterday.  Help me to remember that all of these things I’m realizing about myself (and not enjoying at all) have to be cleaned up and cleared out.  Everyday, You are giving me words to write.  Today, I’m having to trust You completely.  Maybe others are dealing with holding on to resentment for others.  Show them the mirror, God.  I bet they won’t like how they look in it, either.  I know I sure didn’t.  But, I’m glad I saw me as You see me.  Signed: Your Work in Progress.

Judging by Appearances

Proverbs 22:6  Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.  NIV

Earlier this week, we had a business dinner to attend.  A young couple sat next to us.  They were polite and friendly and I’m guessing they were maybe 20, if that.  When the young man took off his coat, I noticed he had a tattoo on his forearm.  It was a stick figure portraying...to clean it up...the symbol for “screw it” with the words included.  Let me say right here that I don’t have any problem with tattoos.  I have 2 of them.  I wasn’t offended by the fact that he had a tattoo, I was heartbroken that our young people have gotten so far away from morals and values.  I wanted to ask him what his grandmother would think of that tattoo!!

I am a very judgmental person.  I get this “I would NEVER”, holier than thou attitude.  As I struggled with ways to write this blog post, this kept coming back to me:  I wonder how many times I have been judged by others through my comments, my social media posts, my actions, etc.  So while I’m over here trying to find a way to throw this young man under the bus, I’m getting run over.  I am realizing that while I was trying so hard to be popular with my peers, I was an embarrassment to my family and to God.  You know what else I learned?  You can’t eat LIKES.  Being popular doesn’t pay your bills.  Being good at what you do, does.  Wasted years.  Wrong focus.  Worry about myself.

Hey God, You held me accountable again today.  I’m thankful that I was raised in a home of Godly parents.  I’m thankful that although I have strayed, that I am finding my way back to You.  I’m pretty sure this will be a continued work in progress.  That young man with the tattoo?  I pray You will put another person in his path who will share Jesus Christ with him.  I was too busy judging him to take the opportunity. Maybe he already knows You.  There I go assuming that he doesn’t by his tattoo.  Hold me accountable, God. Again ~

Jealousy and Insecurity ~

James 3:14  But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.  NIV

My grandson will turn 12 tomorrow.  He is an absolute delight in our lives.  Jay is smart and funny and of course, handsome.  He is a protector.  He is a peace-maker.  He doesn’t want strife between people.  He is wise beyond his years.

Since I have had grandchildren, we have had a blended family.  So many times, it would have been smarter for the adults to remember that, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  I can’t say that I have liked sharing the grandmother role at all. “I” am their blood.  “I” am their REAL grandmother.  You know what those thoughts are?  Envy.  Jealousy.  Insecurity.  Fear.  Those aren’t Godly thoughts.  Those are from Satan.  I see the  pure, unfiltered love that my husband has for our grandchildren.  He’s not “blood”, but he is their Pa.  My oldest grandson wasn’t born into my bloodline, but rather given to me by marriage.  I don’t love him any differently, any more, any less than I do Jay.  So, what is my problem?  Jealousy?  Insecurity?  Fear that the grandkids won’t love me as much as they do the other grandparents? All of the above.

Hey God, guess what?  I haven’t been focusing on the what is good today.  I’ve been hung up on jealousy and insecurity.  I want to thank you for giving me grandchildren.  I want to thank you for reminding me that it’s ok to share them with others.  The more people who love them, the healthier they will be.  Help me to be grateful for time spent with these grandchildren You have blessed me with.  Help me to never boast about how great of a Mimi I am to them.  Help me just to love them.  Period.   I don’t always like when You hold me accountable, but I’m learning to trust You to get me through it.  Sometimes, I’m embarrassed by what You’re showing me, but if I can help even one child not have to go through the pain of adults not acting like adults, then “I got this”.

Crossroads~

Jeremiah 42:3  “Pray that the LORD your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do." NIV

All my life, I have been a “fly by the seat of my pants” kind of person.  I’m very impulsive.  It’s nothing for me to be sitting here working one minute and get the urge to go see my parents or something, and just shut my computer down and be in the car heading to Georgia a few minutes later.  That’s a bad analogy, because time with my parents trumps work in this season of their lives, but you get what I’m saying.

I’m at a crossroad in my life right now.  My children are grown, my nest is almost empty.  What do I do with myself?  Instinct tells me to find something I love and jump in with both feet.  Yeah, well, I’ve learned that when I do that, I end up sinking over my head and regretting it.  Many times I have written in this blog about saying no, being overwhelmed, not taking on any more projects, choosing my family over work.  So why am I unsettled now?  Because I don’t know how to have quiet time in my life.  I don’t know how not to work.  I don’t know how to relax and enjoy life.  I’m not wired that way.

Hey God, Your word tells us to pray and wait on the answer.  I’ve got the praying down pretty good.  It’s the “wait” I find myself struggling with.  You know me.  You know where I am in my life.  Help me to slow down and listen to You.  In the months coming up, my work will overwhelm me again.  Teach me to enjoy this restful season.  Help me to know, to really know, what it is that You want me to do right now.  Thank You for showing me all of these new things in my life; things I have missed in my past because I didn’t wait on You.  I sure am glad you waited on me.

Baggage~

Hebrews 12:1  Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.  And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. NLT

Witnesses..Life of faith...huge crowds...  We live in a fishbowl.  In the days of social media, everything we do is public.  As my life is changing, I am realizing that I have not always presented myself in a manner that was pleasing to God.  But here’s the deal..that is baggage and I’ve carried it long enough.  

I guess I will always have regrets.  What if I’d done this or that differently. Or I wish I hadn’t said whatever.  But I didn’t do this or that and I said whatever.  Baggage.   It’s weighing me down.  Jesus says that when I come to Him sincerely asking for forgiveness, that He removes my sin as far as the East is from the West.  So why am I still carrying it?  Satan keeps trying to get me to pick it back up by convincing me that I am not worthy, that I’m not forgiving, or that I’m never going to change.  I think that it is time that I strip off that weight of the baggage that is keeping me from doing God’s will.

Doing life well is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.  It’s a test of endurance.  It’s a chance to believe in yourself.  Today, God, I ask you to help me live this life of faith and run the race that you have set before me.  It’s time to put down the weight of yesterday’s baggage and believe that nothing I have done, am doing, or will do in the future cannot be forgiven.  Thank You for your mercy.  Thank You for Your grace.

It's Not Their Battle ~

1 Timothy 3:11  In the same way, their wives must be respected and must not slander others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do.

When I had the idea for this blog, it was my intent to help women who suddenly find themselves single mothers.  I remember that as the hardest time of my life.  I also remember this as a time in my life when I made so many mistakes as a mother to my children.  This will be a difficult post for me to get through, but if only one of you see yourselves here, and make some changes, then it will be worth revisiting that painful time.

When my children were 12 and 14, I found my world turned  upside down.  I was suddenly single and facing a very bitter 18 month long battle for a divorce.  I look back now and see how stupid all of that back and forth drama was.  It wasn’t a divorce, ending a marriage, it was a full on war using our children as pawns.  I was so mad and hurt that I wanted our children to be mad, too.  I’d say whatever words I needed to say to throw in a little dig at their dad.  It wasn’t one-sided, either.  He hated me right back.  We were so self-consumed in winning, that we both ended up losers.  Big time losers.  The pain we caused our children by trashing each other will never heal.  Thankfully, they are both healthy and happy adults with great spouses, but we cheated them out of 2 years of their lives.

Let me say right here that I know marriages end for various reasons these days, but when you have children together, it absolutely does not matter what happens between the parents, the children should never be made to carry that burden.  It doesn’t matter how much you hate that child’s daddy, that is still that child’s daddy and that child loves him unconditionally.  Saying words to try to dull that love isn’t for the child, it’s for you.  It goes up on your imaginary scoreboard in the battle.  I’m telling you, words are the most dangerous weapon you can use on a child and nobody, NOBODY has the right to drag a child into an adult matter.  That hurt is forever.  How I wish I had a do-over, but I don’t. I’m just so thankful that my children love me anyway.

Hey God, today, I’m remembering a hard time in my life.  Please use my words to reach mommies who are where I was then.  Let them know that it’s never ok to hurt children because they are hurting.  Thank you for giving me a heart-breaking revelation recently.  Keep me strong when I am loving on my grandchildren. Never  allow my mouth speak a negative word about their grandfather.  Our children are our future.  Give us self-control and keep us faithful to Your word.  I’m so thankful for your forgiveness.