I Got You ~

I’ve Got You ~

1 Peter 5:7  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  

What is it that you want to do?  Who is your target?  What do you love and enjoying in your life?  What are you resenting and hating in your life?  What makes you feel totally overwhelmed?

These questions rolled through my little problem-solving mind this morning as I was praying and searching for scripture to write a blog post.  Why this topic?  Because, in order to move forward with some life changes, I have to finish where I am now.  Let me rephrase that...I have stacked so much stuff on my plate that I don’t know what to do to get it all done.

You know what this causes?  Self-imposed destruction.  When we, as women, think we have to do everything, we blow ourselves up.  We become overwhelmed, resentful, angry, and about 10 more words.  Some call it “multi-tasking”.  Ha.

So, this morning, I’m making a list of what I need to get done.  It’s long.  But, I’m also praying as I am writing it all out.  I’m also thinking about some very wise words my precious cousin said to me recently….”When you don’t know what to do, just do the next thing...and the next...and the next...It’s much easier to face one thing at a time.”  Isn’t that just so simple?

Hey God, today I come to you and I give you my anxiety.  Here.  I cannot be fully involved in my future if I’m stuck and frazzled where I am now. Help me to face each task and stick to it until it’s completed, then let me have the strength to leave it and move on to the next task.  It looks like I’d learn, God...yet, here I am again.  You made me so You totally understand what I’m thinking, God.  I know You’ve got me.  You’ve always got me.

It's Not Their Fault ~

Colossians 3:21  Father, (and mothers), do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.  NIV (with a little Kim Stone)

I want to tell you about a scene I witnessed recently.

A mom and a daughter were shopping together.  The little girl wanted a simple toy, like little girls do in a store.  The lady said, “Tell your dad you want it.”  The little girl said back, “Daddy will just say he gives you money every month for me.”  The lady grabbed the toy and threw it in the cart and said, “Fine, but you’re not taking it to your stupid father’s house.”  

All I could say was, “It’s not her fault” as I passed by.  I expected to get my head busted but instead, tears filled the mother’s eyes.  

It was easy for me to show compassion to her because 20 years ago, this could have been me.  I was so bitter and broken that I wanted to make sure my children knew what a jerk their dad was.  He was so out of sorts that he only referred to me as, “Your stupid f-ing mama”.  I thought that would be my legal name on the final judgement papers…

You know what I know now?  That burden was ours to carry, not our childrens’.  They weren’t the ones who couldn’t get it together.  However, they were the ones who suffered.  

I can’t undo those days.  I can be an advocate  for those of you who are where I was then.  It doesn’t matter how much you hurt, how alone you feel, how unfair everything seems, how much you hate the person who is your child’s other parent….it’s not your child’s fault.  None of it is.  

God,  I’ve learned that You won’t leave me alone when something needs to be posted.  I’ve put this post off for a week.  I pray that whoever needs to see this today will see it.  Hopefully, someone will see themselves and think before they speak words that will hurt their children.  Help them, instead,  to teach their children mercy and grace.

Mine ~

Mine ~

Deuteronomy 10:21  He is the one you praise; He is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.  

My blog entries have gotten fewer because I have let my boat get overloaded with other stuff.  Did you watch the movie,  Finding Nemo?  Do you remember the seagulls whose one line was “mine”?  The fish landed in front of a flock of seagulls, and all of the birds started grabbing at the fish and started chanting  “mine”.  That’s how I feel sometimes.  Everybody wants something from me…..I’m so thankful for my circle of friends who see when I’m drowning and swim out to help me swim back to shore.  They keep me balanced.  They show me mercy and grace and love me when I’m just a mess.  

A few entries back, I shared with you the story of my brother-in-law; about the raging fevers and the prayers that would calm the storms during his battle with leukemia.  On August 26th, 2016, this man was given maybe 10 days to live.  This morning, they received the news that there is no detectable trace of the mutation for leukemia in his bone marrow and he has a “most favorable prognosis”.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for my brother-in-law and my sister.  

Hey God, You showed out in a big way with this miracle You gave to our family.  My little problems sure seem silly compared to the storms that You brought my brother-in-law through.  You had Your plan in place this whole time.  You wrapped him in Your arms and said, “Mine”.  Help me to remember that I am Yours.  Sometimes You give us storms. You also give us friends to help us through.  But, most importantly, you keep us in your arms, and whisper, “Mine”.  Thank You for putting things into perspective for me this morning.  Thank You for your continued mercy….and miracles.

Nothing Changes ~

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes ~

Matthew 7:8  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  NIV

January is always my month of wishing things were different in my life.   It’s winter and dreary.  I’m usually about 10 pounds heavier than any other time of the year.  It’s my off season for photography and while I love the break because I’m usually so burned out, I struggle to make ends meet. That’s mainly because I don’t manage my money very well over the Christmas holidays.  Happens every year.  

I’ve spent the last two weeks thinking about this blog post.  I’ve come up with lots of excuses not to write it.  I grumbled to my friend about being unhappy with where I am with my business.  “I really want my book series to take off and support me.”  “I’d love for this blog to pay my bills.”  “I wish” and “I want” just kept pouring out of my mouth.  She said, “Change isn’t going to come to you at your door while you’re just sitting there.”  Then she posted something to my Facebook wall.  It said, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”  I’m telling you, those 5 words have haunted me this week.  I’m not sure I like it, either, because I have had to realize that I am standing in my own way of getting the things I want in my life.  In order to have what I want, I have to get off my procrastinating, insecure butt and make it happen.  Nothing will change until I make it change.

God, I wonder how many other women struggle with where they are in their lives.  Certainly, I’m not the only one who prays for things to be different but puts forth little or no effort to do my part and make things different.  Tonight my prayer is that You will remind me that we are a team in change. You guide when I pray.  You give when I ask.  You will open the door for what I need in my life.  Nowhere in that verse does it say, “Hey, Kim.  Here you go...wait, don’t get up.  Sit right there.  I’ll bring it to you and everything will be fine.”  It says, “the door will be open”.  Nothing changes unless I get up and go through that door.  Thank You for my friends, God.  Thank You for these lessons that keep me balanced.

Move Me ~

Psalm 18:6   In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. NLT

I have a confession.  Sometimes, I have doubted the whole God thing.  You know...a virgin..a birth in a manger...one man died to forever save us from our sins.  It is such a simple concept that it can be hard to believe.  Do I believe because it was how I was raised or do I believe because I believe?  Well, let me tell you about 2016.  There were some rough patches, but my goodness, there were some miracles, too!!

In June, I was rocking my grandson; a rare occasion since he is seven.  He wanted me to tell him a bedtime story.  I remembered the stories I had told my children when they were little.  I told him a tale of Cody Cowboy, a little boy who lives on a ranch and has a pony named Baloney.  He loved it.  He said, “You should write a book, Mimi.”  So I did.  (Faith of a child)
It’s sold over 600 copies and there are 4 more to come in the series. God used me to help little children want to read.  Through those books, a whole new door has opened, allowing me to speak to children and encourage them to follow their dreams.  That’s all God right there.

In August, my sister’s husband felt bad on vacation.  They came home and he went to the doctor.  He was diagnosed with leukemia on August 26th and given maybe 10 days to live.  We began to pray for him.  If ever I needed to believe in God, it was then.  Toby’s journey has been nothing short of a series of miracles.  More than once, he has been “critical”.  I would reach out to my network of praying friends, and we would pray for Toby.  His fever would rage and storm.   As soon as we began to lift him up, God would calm the storms.  Through this journey, I thought that God was doing a great work in Toby, building his testimony.  Ha…..God was working on me...my heart...my faith.  He was also working on one of those friends, who had pretty much stopped trying to pray.  Not only did God move Toby’s mountain, He moved a mountain for my friend’s husband.
He is there.  HE is real.

A few weeks ago, a young mother of two small children was “actively dying” from a rare form of kidney cancer.   Our community cried out to God and pleaded for a miracle for her. Last week, she and her husband enjoyed a beach retreat AND got news that her kidneys were functioning again.  James 5:15 (prayers prayed in faith)

I spent a season asking God to fill my heart up with Him.  Yesterday, I had a conversation with my best friend.  She said, “Well, for your heart to be full of Him, you have to empty your heart of YOU.”  Goodness.  Wow.  (I love my friends).  Maybe I have been in my way the whole time.

God, thank You for restoring so much faith in my heart in 2016. Thank You for putting so many Godly women in my path who have shown me such strong and unwavering faith!  Thank You for teaching me to “cry out to You” in both praise and in time of need. Thank YOU for moving this earthly me out of the way so a heavenly YOU could move in.

I Wasn't Alone ~

Psalm 139:16  You saw me before I was born.   Every day of my life was recorded in Your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.  NLT

I have fought with all I have against this blog post, and yet it keeps coming up.  I know I’m supposed to tell you this story, and yet, even now, it is so tender, so raw, so heartbreaking, that I don’t want to share it.  But, as a friend told me today, if God says do it, you better, “‘cause you don’t want to get swallowed up by some fish and puked up 3 days later for not listening”.  (I love my friends.  See Jonah 1:17)

This may be long, so be patient.

When I was going through my divorce, someone gave me an orphan lamb.  Gosh, I loved that little lamb.  We named her Laura.  We loved her and bottle fed her and nurtured her.  She was so joyful.  I got her about 3 weeks before the Christmas season.  If you have been with me, you know that we had a terrible, vicious divorce and custody battle. I hated being alone. This little lamb helped me through the lonely weekends when my children would go to their dad’s

About 3 days before Christmas, Laura the lamb stopped eating.  I took her to the vet and was told, “sick sheep seldom survive”.  We took her home and loved her as best as we could.  I remember feeling so heartbroken and helpless as I watched this little animal grow weaker and weaker.  On Christmas Eve, I just knew the end was coming.  I remember that it was raining when my soon-to-be ex picked up our children to go to his house. I’m sure some bitter words were exchanged, as there always were.

Let me just insert right here….don’t do this to your children.  Ever.  If you hate their daddy, that’s YOUR problem.  If you love your child, then love them enough to NEVER let them know you hate their daddy.  Divorce is already so ugly and confusing for a child.  Don’t hurt them any more than they already are hurting.  Let them be little.

I remember watching my children leave my home, excited to be with their dad, but not wanting me to know because it would hurt me. I remember feeling so lost and helpless.  I remember sitting in the grass, in the rain, holding that lamb as she died.  I remember crying out to God.  I remember thinking that my heart would never heal.  I was alone. I was afraid.  And I had lost something else that I loved.  I don’t think I have ever experienced a lower point in my life.  Even now, it hurts so much to remember.

Hey God, I’m not sure why I need to tell this story.  I’m sure that You do, though.  This is the first year that I have remembered this story and realized that where I was then is not where I am now.  I made it.  I am not alone.  I am not afraid. I was not lost.  So many mommies are going to face that first Christmas alone this year. I’m pretty sure that none of them will be standing in the rain, holding a dying lamb, but I am sure that there will be many who feel that they are, themselves, dying inside.  I pray that as their child drives away, that you will give them an extra helping of grace.  And for the ones who feel that they are so heartbroken and alone, I pray that they will feel Your love and know that You already have their future written in Your book.  Help them to know that this heartbreaking time in their lives will pass, that one day, they, too will look back and realize that You already knew that they would be ok.

Be Kind ~

Proverbs 11:17  Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves.  NIV

My neighbor and I have the best relationship. We can see each other often or rarely, but our friendship stays solid.  I can go sit on her sofa and cry or fuss or cuss, or laugh and be silly, and she still loves me ...or tolerates me.  She is kind.

Last night,  we were chatting about my photography business. I made some photos for a very prominent family in our community. They asked me not to watermark the pictures because they are associated with other photographers in their line of work.  At first I thought, “seriously?”.  But, then, after talking through it with my friend, getting a little snarky and judgmental, I had a conviction myself. What would it hurt to protect another person’s feelings?  I got paid.  I made beautiful pictures.  Sure, I’d love to tell the world that I made those images because, wouldn’t you know it?  They were some of the prettiest I’ve made in a long time!

I think we, as women, are very territorial like that. Whether we are hairdressers, in sales, design, wedding planners, teachers, or whatever, we don’t like to ever hear that someone else provided a service to “our people”.  It hurts our feelings and attacks us right in the insecurities.  But, since they were not my regular clients, didn’t I just do the same thing?  

Hey God, guess who.  Just me again thanking you for another life lesson learned a hard way.  Thank you for putting a new family in my life who showed me the value of protecting feelings of others.  I have come a long way in this attitude makeover You decided that I needed, and I’m finding out that I’m nowhere near the end.  Thank You for showing me how important it is to be kind.