All He Wants Me To Be ~

Philippians 3:12  I don’t mean to say I am perfect.  I haven’t learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be.

For a few days, when I lay down at night to read my Bible, I keep coming back to this verse.  Just one more lesson in “God’s timing”.

I got my boat overloaded these last few days.  I’ve shorted out, had a fit, worked too hard, got a headache from that, dealt with some humdingers of people, cussed a little, and kept everything else going at the same time.  Yesterday, I was editing pictures, trying to book a wedding with one person, writing a contract for another person, ordering canvases, and cooking dinner all at once.  But I wasn’t doing any of these tasks perfectly.

I can do all of that at once  because that’s how I thrive.  We are all designed in a unique way.  We all have gifts and goals.  God has a plan and a purpose for us.  All week, I needed to be reminded that, while I can multi task, I’m far from being all that God wants me to be.  Sometimes He needs me to “be still”.  I suck at “being still”, but I am learning.

God, You keep teaching me new lessons every day.  Tonight, I surrendered to Your word.  I will keep working towards that day when I can be all that You designed me to be.  Thanks for the head bump.

Refocused ~

Hebrews 13:8  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. NIV

This week, my family and I took a little vacation.  All week, I’ve been praying for guidance on what to write about in my next blog post. Lately, I’ve let life get in the way of my devotions, my time with God, my writings.  I sit down to research, to read, to have quiet time, and I’d be totally distracted by something.  Tonight, I walked on the beach, waiting for the moon to come out, and spent some time with God.  

I watched the waves come in and go out.  I watched the sand shift, the shells wash ashore.  I watched the little crabs skitter here and there.  I watched the sun set and the moon rise.  Then it hit me.  Everywhere we look, every moment of everyday, things are changing.  Nothing ever stays still.  Our lives, like the ocean, are constantly shifting and changing.  Our children grow up.  Our marriages change from young love to contented love.  Our parents really begin to show their age.  Our world becomes out of balance.  Everything changes, except God.

God, today as I was walking down this magnificent beach watching a beautiful full moon rise, I was so aware of how consistent You are.  You never leave us, even when we leave You with our ever-changing, fast-paced, distracted lives.  You will always be there when we settle ourselves and refocus on You.  You are the same today as You will be tomorrow.  You never change.  For that, I am so grateful.

Letting Go of Hate ~

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ISV

Divorce.  Exes.  Wife-in-laws.  Bitterness.  Anger. Hurt.  Hate.  Revenge. Insecurity.  Abandonment.  The list goes on and on and on.  The problem with these feelings is that there comes a time when, well, it’s just time to let go of the brokenness and move forward.  The sad part is, letting go is so one of the hardest things you will ever do.

I talked with a friend this week.  We talked about how hard it is to go through a divorce.  If the actual decision to go your separate ways isn’t hard enough, by the time you get through the actual divorce process, the level of animosity (that’s a nicer word than “hate”) is so elevated that you don’t feel you will ever recover.  It is a brutal time in a woman’s life.  We lose all sense of balance, especially if we are suddenly raising children alone.  It’s been almost 20 years since I went through this, and let me tell you, that was the hardest time of my life.  I’d give anything to go back to that time and do things differently.  I was so full of rage and hate and revenge (and doubt and insecurity and self-worth) that I became a bitter bitch.  All I wanted was for him to suffer like I had.

I carried this with me for years.  I never missed a chance to let people know what I thought of him.  I sure did waste a lot of my life being bitter.  There is no telling how much damage and hurt I caused to my children and grandchildren by speaking hateful words about their father and grandfather.   What changed?  What happened to make me let go?  I saw him with our grandchildren.  They adore him.  He’s a good Papa.  If I am hating him, then I am not loving them like I should.  Also, I am so much happier in my life now.  I wouldn’t be “here” if I had stayed “there”.

God, it sure was a good feeling when I decided to put down that burden of hate.  I’m sorry that I carried it so long.  You tell us to give all of that to You.  I guess I’m a slow learner.  I hope that You use this blog today.  I know that there are women who are carrying around such heavy loads, waiting for their revenge.  Help them to see that it’s time to “put it down”.  Let them see that where they are is so much better than where they could have been.  Thank You for your grace and forgiveness.  Help us to remember to follow Your example, even when we don’t think we are ready to let it go. It is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.

The Power of Suggestion ~

2 Timothy 1:7  For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.  NIV

Someone made a statement to me recently that I have no business writing a Christian blog.  I cannot even tell you how much that one statement wrecked me.  It made me doubt myself, my faith, my self-worth.  Am I writing this blog for me or if is it truly God’s will for me right now?

I’m telling you, the ‘power of suggestion’ is powerful.  I’ve made excuses, hem-hawed, been “too tired” to read my Bible when I laid down to sleep, and have slowly got out of the habits that I enjoyed.  In return, I have been miserable.  I have been out of balance.  I know I’m not in God’s will, but I let a few words, said in anger, have power over me.  In other words, Satan found exactly where I am weak and attacked me there.

God, I am filled with self-doubt and mind-blocks lately.  I don’t have ideas about posts.  I know why, though.  I’m depending on me, instead of You and Your word to fill my heart.  Thank You for letting my conscious bother me so much that I turned to You for guidance.  I know that a simple blog post from me is not going to change the world, but it will change me.  Hopefully, the change in me will reach someone who needs You.

Just A Stepson ~

1 Timothy 5:8. But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. ESV

You guys know I work as a photographer.  Recently, I had a job that truly was more than I could stand and I ended up probably voicing more of my opinion than was necessary.  But, hey...you know. 

Picture a mom and dad, an adorable little 2 year old, and a very quiet young boy who was 12. The little one was definitely the “star”.  As we began the session, the mom said to me, “I just want the three of us in most of the family photos.  He's just my stepson,” pointing to the 12 year old.  This old heart broke.  Then it ran hot. Then I showed my butt some. I think I was madder at the dad who let this happen more than anything.  I told her as nicely as I could that I have “bonus” children of my own and I would not exclude a child and be the one who makes them feel less than welcome in your new family. 

God, I'm not supposed to be rude to customers, I know, but I was. Thank You for giving me the opportunity to be a mom to stepchildren. I know there were times I failed them miserably. Thank You for giving me the feeling that those two are MY children, although someone else gave birth to them, because they are part of my husband.  Sorry I showed out. Maybe it will help that dad show up for his son in the future.  Forgive me for “judging”.  I didn't cuss….does that count?

Not by Myself ~

Philippians 4:13  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.  NIV

My life would be so much more peaceful if I would remember this verse.  I’m all good with praising God when things are going great in my life.  When things start to spiral, I tend to forget where my strength comes from.  

In a perfect, self-satisfying world, I could control everything.  Everybody would be nice and do things my way.  Nobody would give me problems.  My kids would behave.  My husband would clean up after himself.  My work clients would be all sunshine and roses.  But you know what?  Life is not perfect.  I have the wrong goal of being “self-satisfied”.  I know that in my heart, I’m supposed to give everything to God, especially in the times I struggle.  

God, I have no problem giving You all of the glory when things are good.  I fail miserably when I need You.  I try to take over and fix all of my problems without seeking Your guidance or submitting myself to You.  I’m still learning.  Things fall apart when I try to “do all things” by myself.  Help me remember where my strength really comes from.  Thank You for your grace.

I'm Just Kidding ~

James 3:5  So too the tongue is a small part of the body, yet it has great pretensions. Think how small a flame sets a huge forest ablaze.  NIV

There is an old saying that there is just a little bit of truth in every sentence that is spoken; especially the ones that end in, “I’m just kidding”.  

I wish I had a nickel for every time I had my feelings hurt by someone speaking “I'm just kidding” words to or about me. I'd be living on a remote island with 24 hour a day maid service.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I had hurt someone by speaking “I'm just kidding” or sarcastic words to or about them. I'd buy the island.

Relationships are hard enough. How easy it is to fall into a pattern of snarking at each other. It starts off as a comment, followed by “I'm just kidding” when really you aren't. Feelings are hurt, then you want to defend yourself. Then anger flares. Before you know it, a full blown argument has begun.  The thing is, words destroy your self-confidence, your motivation, your hopes and dreams if you listen them.

God, today I ask You to help those who have fallen into the “snarky” trap in their relationship.  Give them strength to be bold and break the cycle.  Cover them with your grace.  And for me, please help me to remember this post and apply it in my life.  Teach me to talk about problems in an appropriate manner before they get to the “I’m just kidding” stage.